Loneliness: The Silent Killer That Wears Ugg Boots and Hides in Your Houseplants

heidimills003
Apr 6
4 min read

Let’s just get this out of the way: loneliness is now considered a bigger threat to our health than smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Yes, fifteen. A. Day. (I’ll let that sink in while you quietly judge your past self for worrying about carbs.)

According to the 2023 World Health Organization report (I know!) and several long-standing studies — including a cracker from Harvard — chronic loneliness is linked to a higher risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia, depression, and early death. It’s now officially more dangerous to public health than obesity.

And guess what? Rates of loneliness have skyrocketed since the Covid era. That pesky pandemic had a huge impact on so many aspects of our lives — connection being one of the biggest casualties.

Before you say, “Oh that’s sad, but it doesn’t affect me…” — let me stop you right there. Because even if you’re not feeling it, someone close to you probably is. And more importantly, it can sneak up on you faster than a soggy Weet-Bix (NZ version of Weetabix for my Northern hemisphere friends) mood on a rainy Monday.

The Lonely Truth

Loneliness can often stem from deeper stuff — like low self-esteem, lack of confidence, or not feeling like you’re worthy of connection. It doesn’t always start with isolation; sometimes it starts with how we see ourselves.

The good news? That inner stuff can change. With a bit of support, guidance, and sometimes just a friendly coach who gets it, we can rebuild that sense of worth, bit by bit. Connection with others often starts with reconnecting to ourselves.

Supposedly we’ve never been more "connected", and yet so many people feel completely disconnected.

You can have 1,200 Facebook friends and still feel like no one would notice if you disappeared. You can live in a flat full of flatmates, or a house full of family, and still feel utterly alone.

And don’t think loneliness is just for retirees and the elderly. Our younger generations are suffering — big time. Teens, young adults, even kids — many of them are aching for real connection in a world that keeps selling them shallow substitutes, you must have seen some of those so-called influencers, who often are so disconnected from the real world it's a joke.

Loneliness isn’t just about being physically isolated. It’s about not feeling seen, heard, valued, or understood. Ever been out with others and said something, only to be ignored? Or been forgotten when the morning tea order was put in? That’s where the sting starts.

Why It Wrecks Our Wellbeing (And What to Do About It)

As someone who’s spent decades working with young people, communities, and anyone trying to make sense of their place in the world — myself included — I can tell you: loneliness doesn’t just touch your heart. It eats away at your whole being.

Let’s break it down using the six Compass themes I work with:

👐 Give

When we’re lonely, we often pull away from giving — our energy feels scarce. But giving (a smile, time, attention) creates connection. It says, “You matter. And so do I.” Whether you’re lonely or not, giving a smile can make such a difference.

🔗 Connect

Obvious, yes. But not just about talking. Real connection comes from showing up as your real self — not the shiny, Insta-filtered version. We’re wired to belong, not to perform.

📚 Learn

Loneliness can shrink our curiosity. We go inward — but not in the good, reflective way. Learning something new, even a tiny thing, reminds us we’re still in it. Still growing. Still human.

🏃‍♀️ Active

Doing nothing makes you want to do even less. Movement is magic. A walk with the dog, a dig in the garden, a half-arsed dance in the kitchen — it shifts your mood and invites joy.

🧘‍♂️ Mindful

Loneliness gets noisy in our heads. It tells us things that probably aren’t true. Mindfulness helps us notice those thoughts without believing every single one.“I feel lonely” is not the same as “I am alone forever and always, amen.”

✨ Inspire

When we’re lonely, we lose sight of what lights us up. Reigniting inspiration — a book, a conversation, a podcast, a goal — helps shift the internal compass.

If this is hitting a nerve, you might like Compass Circle — my monthly space for honest wellbeing reflections and soulful support.

👉 Join here

But Wait — There’s Hope (Promise)

Here’s the good news: loneliness is treatable. It doesn’t need a prescription — just a nudge. Connection can be grown. Meaning can be reclaimed.

The first step might be:

Saying yes to that thing you were going to cancel
Asking someone how they really are
Sending that weird meme to a friend, just because
Dropping a voice message to someone you’ve not connected with in ages
Booking a Discovery Call (yes, I see you 👀)

Let’s Be Real

You don’t need a massive circle to feel whole — just a few real ones. Or even just one.

And if you're reading this and thinking, “Yep, this is me”…You're not broken. You're not too much. Not too quiet. Not too intense, and you’re definitely not too late.

We are social creatures, and our connection with others — our tribe (even if you haven’t found them yet) — is part of being human.

We need each other. Full stop.

Want to Explore This More?

You can:

Join Compass Circle, my monthly newsletter for real talk and soulful nudges - Join Compass Circle, my monthly newsletter for real talk and soulful nudges.
👉 www.wellbeingcompass.co
Book a free 30-min Discovery Call — no pressure, just connection
Or send this post to someone who needs it. That counts too.